Weathering the Storm: Snow After Fire

+J.M.J.+

Hi, guys! Aly here. It’s been a long time, hasn’t it? I thought this graphic was particularly fitting since we were hit with Winter Storm Jonas over this past weekend, and so I got snowed in and got to thinking about this blog and my life in general as a writer. I have lots of insights to share with you!

1. I am a writer, not an entrepreneur.

This means that I write for the mere joy of writing, because it’s a gift within me that can’t be suppressed. I simply have to use it, come what may, because it fills a part of the plan that God has for me. I don’t write to make money. I write to create joy and reflect truth. And if I can just do those two things, writing and sharing my work is enough and more than enough.

2. I am getting ready to become a wife.

In less than 100 days, I will tie the knot with the wonderful man I’ve been courting for the past 4 years. Marriage prep is in full swing, as are my nerves. And once the knot is tied, I will have my primary vocation to attend to, being a wife and a future mother.

That’s one more reason why I do not view myself as an entrepreneur. I personally can’t see how other women juggle a demanding career AND being a wife and mother. Perhaps they have some magical superpower that I don’t. Regardless, I can’t be both.

3. I am suffering from PTSD.

Back in November, I was in a pretty bad car wreck. Nothing major happened; I broke my tailbone and totaled my car, but no one else was involved. Still, I have to battle my fears to get in a car every single weekday, and I have to struggle not to panic when we pass the site of the wreck. I also suffer with a bit of depression at night; I fear that I’ll never enjoy road trips again.

This is making things more difficult on an emotional and psychological level because in order to get things done, lots of long-distance trips between my house, my fiance’s house and our future house will have to be made. That means there’s a lot of extra stress pushing down on me from unexpected sources.

4. I have to keep going.

Being an adult sadly means that you don’t always get the time or rest you need to face the next big challenge that comes your way. This also means that when the time does come and the stress finally catches up with you, it can be debilitating. I discovered this after my car wreck when 5 weeks after the fact, I started having violent flashbacks and being afraid to get in a car (I was back behind the wheel about a week after the wreck and did not have symptoms then).

But I’ve been persevering because I know if I give up, if I quit my day job and hide under the blankets every time I have to get in the car and shy away from going to see my fiance and constantly worry about the safety of other people, I have only made my own situation worse. I have to keep going, keep trying, because if I don’t, I won’t be living. I’ll be going through some vile mockery of life instead of actually living, actually embracing risk and love and danger in order to do the things that make my soul come alive and the things that are necessary to prepare for this lifelong vocation of marriage.

So now, amid this new blanket of snow, I am experiencing the snow after the fire, and though I will hardly have a spare weekend to myself after this one, though Lent is fast approaching and bringing with it fasting and penance, I am looking forward to these fires of trial. God is in control, and He is not finished with me yet. He proved that to me the day of my wreck and He proves it to me even now.

Even dragons have their end.” This, too, shall pass.

Thanks for stopping by, and as always, I’ll see you on the next ship in!

 

Tell me your opinion: What storms have you been through lately? What discoveries have you made about yourself and your writing? Please share in the comments below; I’d love to encourage you!

Weathering the Storm - AlyCatAuthor

2 Comments

  1. Hi Aly,

    Love your Tolkien quote–I hadn’t heard that one.

    I am living with PTSD myself. On top of the PTSD, I later had a car accident (this was last year). I too was afraid to get in cars for about six months after the car accident. I’m totally over that now–I think it is natural to be traumatized after a car accident, so I say this hoping it will reassure you. (Also, you can’t put a time limit on trauma–it is what it is. It takes different people longer or shorter times to process things.)

    Hope you will get past the stress soon–and congratulations on your upcoming wedding.

    • Aly

      Thanks for your encouraging words, Marya! It’s true that you can’t put a time limit on trauma, and it definitely has a lot to teach us. I’m learning to trust more in God even when I don’t FEEL trusting, so it’s turned into a learning experience. Though I still have bad days, I have many more good days than what I once did (and I’m sure the same is true for you!) Sorry I didn’t see your comment until just now!

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